My spindly obsession and on why I like cats

My Cat will eat all the spiders.

Cats eat spiders. I have seen it happen. Not once but many a time. They eat all kinds of them. From the small short legged fat butted ones to the spindly legged dark dirt coloured creepy crawler from the bowels of hell, all fair game. I suppose they find them to be exotic. You dont always get to dine on them but when you do, Oh Boy!! mmmm... I mean think about the kind of choices they have. Its like when I have an urge to eat crab. Most people scoop out the meat from the shell but I find that dull. I like to crush it open with my thumb and then crunch on them... mmmm... I love fish. A lot. But crabs, they are a delicacy. I guess the same applies for them felines. Spiders are a kind of delicacy. Like how the sight of a big one gets my heart to go on an Olympic run, I suppose the cats just get plain ravenous.

My morbid fascination/ obsession with spiders leads me to scour through huge encyclopedias on a frequent basis for some really really freaky spidey pics. Yeah, its called know thy enemy. Thank you, Sun Tzu. Sad to say these situations always end up the same way. Me in one corner and the fat old book in the other both engaged in a staring contest, each willing the other to make a move; me for it to come alive and it, well 'it' does not really have a reason. Sooner or later my morbid desire always wins out. I open it again. I need to see them... these demon insects... capable of extreme stealth with their eight disgusting legs, hiding in places we trust to be safe, waiting for that one opportune moment.

Although from a detached point of view, for a brief moment I could say that these little insects who help mankind by eating flies and mosquitoes just want a warm place to live. And they merely are trying to escape when you chance upon them on your favorite quilt.

And now that the brief unrealistic moment of actual truth has passed over us with little to no consequence we shall reconvene to my morbid world where the sole purpose of their existence is to keep me in a perpetual state of fear and paranoia to such an extent that a shadow flitting past in my peripheral vision causes me to conduct an extensive reconnaissance of the general area.

I take sadistic pleasure in watching cats catch a spider. Their obsession with spiders differs from mine merely on the basis of the end purpose. They like to snack on them once they get bored of them. They toy with them and to my infinite pleasure they release them, allowing it to believe for one lonely moment in the middle of excruciating pain, that it can scurry away into safety. Oh! well so much for that, my beloveds will then proceed to crush them with their perfect little paws by tearing it apart limb to limb all the time making sure the last thin thread of life still remains within it. Such marvelous and delightful creature cats are. On the other hand, I just want to swat them into a grotesque mix of broken legs and squished body parts with a few barely discernible eyes dislocated to odd positions, I'm thinking, whats the use of having four eyes if they aren't pointed in opposite directions, and to top it all there is my glutoral cry, claiming a bloody victory, striking fear into their hearts or whatever manifestation of creepiness these demonoids have in its place.

Have you ever seen a spider fall? Let me try to put in simple words one of the freakiest creepiest sights ever to be witnessed by me. A chappal flung from a distance of five meters aimed at a certain corner of the ceiling failed to make total impact. The said surface to air projectile managed to coerce the target to take precautionary measures and eject from the ceiling. I remember watching the next few seconds in slo-mo. My gut wrenching internal conflict between the need to abandon ship and the desire to indulge in my morbid fascination for the enemy resulted in me standing there rooted to the spot. Spiders fall my dear friends, they fall flat , rotating with their own body as axis, eight legs spread out like a fan, slowing down as they reach closer to the ground. Its like a paratrooper from hell. The entire 101st airborne division could not have forced me into such a severe state of inaction like it did. Now when I think about it I can understand the general sentiment of the axis ground forces in France when they looked up hoping to see the clear blue sky but finding the vast sky littered with hundreds and hundreds of slowly descending troopers each rotating like a slow fan. Not that I am sympathetic to their cause, mind you!

Some more

An autumn wind
through stilled windows
a wind chime echoes



First ray of dawn
upon winter dew
nature stills

Blossoms

I wouldn't dare call them Haiku.... they wouldn't fit the rules..


Reflections on glass
of Life flying past
Neither here nor there



The path lay ahead
upon splashes of light
Warm fragrant breeze




Soft memories
like yellowed pages
Warm morning sun



Soft and burning
the path it cut
pale, alone and unloved



warm bodies in the night
bzzz bzzz
slap!! blood and gore


my favorite...


They tug at your heart
fading,never gone
Bloodstains on white

Regret

I was packing my things yesterday, stuff that I wanted to move permanently and I came across something. Something that, with time, I was forced to forget. I found your fish and porcupine quill. Tucked away, untouched, in a musty corner of my old suitcase. Found it, and all I could do was just sit there holding on to it with just one single thought in my head. Five years. Or was it six? Of all the things that could have been, we could have...

I held it close to me knowing that you did too...somewhere in a life long lost.

Shamed

Time heals... Everything... Eventually...





Time stilled; My wait prolonged for love the chime
shall bring; Respite my heart sought in sleep
And sleep I found in want; Wretched is time
For my heart it burned, over fire slow and deep
In darkness saw I, soul mine, fostered strong
Cried out, my love, for love unrestrained
'Come', my soul wept, 'in my heart you belong'
But cold it stayed, upon blackness it remained

A caress, soft wind brought from far beyond
Whelmed, a memory revived made me
Of laughter laced in reproach so fond
'I am yours and yours eternally' said she
Love pure; lost I in sweet surrender
Unchained my soul, her eyes with Love tender.

Honesty

I am honestly so full of shit.

Sinking...

Allow me some leeway here my good people...

Can you believe it? I am so bored... so freaking bored... in office that
i start this blog in a txt file so i can upload it later. As usual I have an ulterior motive: To improve my writing skills to such an extend so that one day i may write and publish my
own book which will go on to win many prizes shooting me into fame; but me being the person i am will shrug it all off and will live life unadulterated, travelling using the money that i earned from the publishers and after long years when age has finally caught up with me and wrestled me to the ground I shall kick the bucket on age, on my terms and get one up on the slimy reaper and as a master stroke leave all my riches to my descendants and as charity and from there on I shall live in the minds and hearts of my readers, as a legacy undying. Nice, isnt it?

Anyway keeping all what i said in mind under layers of misdirection, cunning and innocence I shall continue with my work.

.......... Ok. I am at a loss of words now. Guess, all that took a lot out of me. I am sick of my job, that too just in a week's time. Is that normal? hmm... I feel like quitting. I feel like chucking it all. I hate feeling like that. I hate to be restrained. I wanna be Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I wanna be a lot from a lot of people. I cant think of single person for a role model. I want a lot obviously.
Hmmm... I hate being pulled back. I hate having no control. I hate pretenses but everyone is a victim of that. Cant hate everyone. Reading back, I feel like there's a lot of hate in me for it to be
a good thing. Will I become a sociopath? Maybe hate is too strong a word for what I feel. Hmmm...Maybe detest. You can detest and still live with it. I doubt if you can hate and do so. I am not going to be a sociopath. I wanna be V in V for Vendetta. I want to effect insufferable pain upon those men responsible for the Incident. Dirty thoughts are ok. Everybody has them. Many people look. You cant stop that. Some seek voyeuristic pleasure from it. That is bearable with great reluctance when compared to the execution of those despicable thoughts. Action is not allowable not under any means. Not like what happened. How men turn into beasts on ceding control. Sometimes without.

Why is death penalty such a bad thing? Why should men who have committed such vile crimes be allowed to live? The age old debate of Who gives us right to decide life. What of deciding deciding the fate of one who has done so for another? is it not logical? He sacrificed his right to decide his life the moment he took control of someone else's. Cant this be justice when applied to intentional crimes of such inhumane level ? Why shouldn't a serial rapist be tortured to death? Why shouldn't the sentence for rape be castration? I cant write. My mind is flooded with arguments, counter arguments, justifications, reasoning from both stances. What should be done? What is the right thing to be done? Who decides if its right? Would the things called right change with time? Is it right that there is no constant for right and wrong? I feel frustrated. Everything is complex. A hundred threads tying it together with a thousand other. A system for which there is no right solution. Disappointing.

Wet!!!!

I am not sure where i should start from....should it be from the night when my two room mates and me wound up having a nice chat with the watchman at three in the morning simply because we couldnt oblige ourselves to be the happy victims of the blood fest organized by our very own Maharashtra State Electricity Board along with the very notorious, Bombay Council of She-Mosquitoes, Thane division. We mounted a counter attack which resulted in heavy losses for the enemy but unfortunately for us their forces far outnumbered us and their reinforcements kept pouring in and there was nothing we could except run and live to fight another day. Needless to say we enjoyed our little tryst with the morning chill and only returned to our beds after we had freaked out our poor watchman.

God must have taken a coffee break on my file because you see things didnt just get better then, they got infinitely hilarious and some more as I woke up early in the morning at nine or so to the frantic shouts of my helpless roomie Ambu. I woke up to find my huge ( like huge in a polar bear: relate to homosapiens) friend perched precariously on his bed like a giant Dodo. unable to comprehend anything i looked for my other roomie only to find a quilt in wild black and white designs wrapped around a deformed god knows what shape with only a deep rumble to give away the identity of that malformed creature. I had a movie moment then, everything just tuned out and i couldn't understand what my bird/bear friend was shrieking, i couldnt understand what was happening.. i didnt even understand why i was awake at that time of the day and all i wanted to do was just go back to sleep. And just like that somebody turned it all back on again and Slowly things started registering in my mind. First, ambu was loud and was talking about water. Second, I could hear a stream near by. Third, my hand felt wet. fourth, fifth and the rest, Water and water and water and so on respectively. I would like to take a kutti break here and say that we did have our doubts about our house... we had a feeling that the broker was getting a sweet deal...we even had divine intervention when the house door refused to open to let us in on three different occasions but we were young and bold and we didnt care.

so coming back to that morning: i really dont know what happened next because its all blurry to me right now, i know that my body reacted with perfectly sequenced steps to face the problem. you see we were flooded. There were three beds, one with my flightless friend, the other with the snoring bulk and then me on my bed, half out of my sleeping bag ( yes, i use one while sleeping on the bed for various reasons that i do not wish to divulge now). All of us in water. the makeshift tank meant for storing corporation water had overflown; my nearby stream! What a finish for such a wonderful night! we had some quality time after that, filled with joyous camaraderie of young men engaged in hard bread winning physical work, in our case, mopping.

Epilogue :
It took three days for the beds to dry and to top it all our room got flooded the day after and the day after that. By then we had become experts at handling the situation. Ambu could make sense now cawing at me and kaushik had ascended to a level of partial awareness during the moments of crisis and i had automated my self completely to do the necessary while asleep and all of us had conditioned ourselves to really not care so that we cud just continue to sleep in our private swamp after the needful was done.


I am tired now and i have a day shift tomorrow. So ill write about the rest later....

Ciao

The Legacy of Rain

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Dark grey. Overcast. Wind, strong and persuading. I spread my arms. Ochre leaves once green with life whip about in the merciless wind. An end to the dying. Trees dance with the wind in anticipation of its coming. White spindly branches spread out in the sky throwing the earth below into an ethereal glow. Thunder rumbles across the dark sky roaring for a new life. I look up to the skies, to a sea of infinite storms, to the raging waters flickering in vengeful hues. I close my eyes. I feel the cold wind against me, slapping against my bare skin. I feel the earth rise up to answer the sky. The fragrance of wet mud crushed with leaves and wind assault my senses, intoxicating them with nature's essence. A promise to a new beginning. I lose myself. Give myself to the overwhelming elements that surround me. To feel one with nature in this ageless ritual. The first drops of rain. Like ice spears from heavens they strike me, going past my skin and bones to the very soul inside me, infusing life. With rising intensity, the orchestra of nature moves to a deafening crescendo. Single drops become waves. Waves, the earth embraces as it would, with lust, his feisty lover. I stand in the gift of heavens. I feel reborn. Feel like the earth, parched and dry, the rain quenching its undying thirst, washing away all that is dead, giving life to a new age. I feel eternal bliss lost in this raging onslaught of the skies. With as much fierceness as it had begun it stops. Silence. It slams into me with vehement force. The agony of which is softened by the fall of a single drop. I shiver in the stillness like a new born to its first touch. The air, thick with life. I open my eyes to the first rays of sun cleave open the dying armies of the heaven's harbinger. All around me earth celebrates the fulfillment of a timeless promise. Every shade brighter than ever, reflecting a new lease of life. Nature revels in the splendorous glory of its revivification. I bore witness to an act of life. I must now return to the darkness that engulfs my world. To effect my world with life.

Travel - Living Life

'Travelling is like flirting with life'. How better can this urge to explore the unknown, to seek and learn be explained? What is it that makes some people want to travel so much? Across continents and oceans just to be somewhere. Why do they do it? Is it a need to find new ideas? New experiences? A sense of fulfillment? A promise? Beauty? Love? These reasons might sound absurd to those who have bound themselves to their corner of this unbelievably huge universe. They stand inside the boundaries that they have created for themselves, never straying far. But I wonder if they ever peep over those walls because I really cannot believe that there is a single person in existence who does not want to see and feel what he has never felt before or at the least harbor a small amount of curiosity to what lies beyond. There are people who undertake life changing journeys knowing that they would never be the same again and then there are those who stumble into one, surprised at what they become in retrospect. In fact there are all kinds of travelers. The true joy of traveling lies in the journey as much as in the destination. It is an unmatched feeling in its own to experience a new culture, to savor something exotic, to be in a place or a phenomenon that you have always read about, to feel it happen around you for real. I believe that the feeling that u revel in at that moment is worth every bit of your effort. Why is there a need for beauty if it is not indulged in? Why do things beautiful and terrible exist if not for the sole purpose of being experienced? A true traveler is the one who takes pleasure in what he experiences and where his feelings are truly his own and not born out of a requirement to do so. No matter how short a journey might seem it always changes something in you, it always does. Some wise guy once said if you are not willing to be changed by a place then there is no point going. The world is a very beautiful place. Man has explored it for centuries and yet there is so much left to be discovered. To me life is a gift to experience the beauty that permeates everything around us. The true essence of which is captured in D. H. Lawrence's words, 'Whatever the unborn and the dead may know, they cannot know the beauty, the marvel of being alive in the flesh. The dead may look after the afterwards. But the magnificent here and now of life in the flesh is ours, and ours alone, and ours only for a time.'

TabascO!!

My titles have no real relevance to what i write... they are mostly something very small or insignificant and might be in the best of cases related to a small part of the day's events... somehow I cannot bring myself to generate a decent enough title and i end up picking something randomly from the day... today's for example is TabascO ( my obsession with using capitals in the oddest of places is a discussion for another time).. now this small bottle of Tabasco was not particularly good but it did remind me of a time with my dearest..

Here anyway it was just like any other bottle of really hot Tabasco maybe a little weak in its composition as it could not bring tears from my eyes even after i literally soaked my slice of Chef's special thin crust pizza in it. Now this in my terms is akin to sacrilege.

Now around this small bottle of not so good Tabasco sat three young handsome prospective men engaged in polishing of the three really yummy pizzas that were on the table. around them sat men and women, all busy at their own tables, with their own pizzas topped with their own conversations. Now around all of this stood the roof and walls of the famous Pizzeria which in turn stood on the far side of marine drive. Now the exploits of these three men did not begin here. It began far away in another crowded bombay local heading towards Victoria terminus.

The train accelerated and then decelerated and stopped and then repeated it over and over again for what felt like a hundred times betwen Thane and CST. But you cant help but like these trains, especially for the most intelligent of the group ( yes that would be me, thank you) it held a special something as it was a time between here and there, like all journeys are for him. For him a journey always had a meaning, he liked being in transit, being neither there nor here. In some strange way he found an even stranger sense of solace in the time between.

We were at cst finally and like the last two times we headed for the group of small stalls right outside the main entrance, for what seemed to become a sort of ritual - lavish consumption of sugarcane juice. from there we happily signaled a cab and asked him to take us to chor bazaar, now the next six or seven cabs we hailed had the same answer to give us as the first one - 'nahi' - complete refusal.

we were stranded. hopelessly. Now after great effort and help from a few people over a very erratic mobile network we found that we were on the wrong side of the road. so now we were frustrated. anyway the objective of going to chor bazar for me was to just see whats available there, for ambu - buy a bag and some stuff, for kaushik- nothin in particular, he thought it was a cool place to hang out in.

So since we were not sure how things are laid out in chor bazar we ended up in bendi bazar which i was told was basically the same. By the end of the day i was still not sure about this. Ambu and me started walking around in the sea of people and shops and smells and bustle and hustle and everything else that i have conveniently left out but fresh in my memory. Both of us found it quite nice to be there, we even found out a very small but cheap shop which was selling the best sheesh kababs that i have ever tasted ( some how our internal compass always points towards food, thank mother nature for such small blessings!!)

Now all this merrymaking in the middle of the market district in bombay was not without consequence. Our dear friend Kau decided to take an aversion towards all the things that i mentioned above, the smells and people and hustle and etc etc... he decided that he had not asked for this and that he wanted to leave. Being brought up nice and clean and having little to no exposure to such wonderful but common human gatherings, our dear friend's soon to be terminal state of mind forced us to evacuate the area immediatly and head towards more affluent parts of south bombay. this in our situation was the marine drive.

So thats how three wonderful young bachelors ended up feasting on yummy pizzas in the pizzeria on marine drive complaining about the quality of TabascO.. Now there is only so much you can do in a place like pizzeria. of course we did look at that particular group of girls with short skirts who were on the next table. But this time we were really not interested or bothered because the food was that good an i loved my white wine far too much.

It was really nice sitting there enjoying the sea breeze, the ambiance, the brilliant mixture of voices from a gathering of such different people everything together struck a big chord in me. One thing is sure, I am going back there.

anyway after filling the never ending abyss in our bodies we headed for a walk along the marine drive. The slow walk along the sea soon turned out to be an alert walk along the road as our views were pulled and torn away from the shimmering waters to the streaks of light left behind by the speeding BMWs and Mitsubushi's and Porsche's. So there we were sitting on the road side picking out cars and criticizing the way the people who can afford them maintained them.

Soon it was time to go. we hailed a taxi to Vt and then caught a train to thane and then from there we caught a rick to our apartment. so Thats it!!


What????

Thats really it!! I cant find something innovative to fill my boring travel back home can I???

ciao

TC

SuNdaY....

I jus realised when I started writing this blog that I should have named this 'Roasted bombay duck' and not the previous one....hmmmm.... Now I cant even think of a good title for this. Doesnt matter really coz I know that I am the only one who reads my blogs, of course part of the blame does fall on me as I really havent told anyone that I blog.. not even her...!! she'll be pissed when she finds out... anyway... Lemme get into the events that unfolded the sunday before last.. that would be the 2nd of Dec.

Late sunday morning...exhausted from last night's adventures everyone decides to call it a lazy day. But as always someone or the other always has something coming... as a consequence of which we found ourselves on our way in a very very crowded local train to CST, to meet up with a couple of friends in south bombay. Anyway as usual the intelligent guys who planned such a disturbing lazy sunday afternoon disrupting session ended up being late. In a way it turned out to be great since I finally caught sight of the gateway of India which in the meantime, was drowning in a sea of humanity. But somehow gathering immense amounts of willpower my two friends and me pushed and pulled and scampered through the deluge to execute a respectful three rounds around the gate...Man! I felt patriotic!!

This being the first time for me in south bombay... It was fascinating at the same time a little weird just walking through the streets.. watching time work its way on everything around me, unlike all the other places it had a strange way about it... not easy to explain... but you could feel it...you as a part of the system that is being affected... I realised then that I was falling in love with this city..with all its people... its dirty crowded local trains...its old buildings...most of all i could feel its pulse.. the life... coursing through it... I am afraid, deep in my heart, of what this city will do to me to claim me its own...


Enough of serious thoughts and back to where I was... which was standing in a makeshift alley by the side of the taj mahal hotel and peeking through one of the windows to see the large stock of liquor lit up in vibrant colours.. Ambu's heart melted at this point...he felt useless and lost in his world of monotonous IT workers... hoping in the sharp sting of a terrible depression, for a day when he shall be on the other side of the glass sipping on a drink, complaining about the age and origin of the maker...

After the short stint of wallowing in self pity we decided to move on to the better things in life which undeniably for them was inexpensive liquor which fortunately for people like us was available at GOKUL BAR.... a very nice place in a great location selling stuff cheap... which was perfect for us... not to mention for some other foreigners who i believe were like us... While i lost myself in enjoying every minute molecule that made up the reshmi Kabab in front of me, my dear friends resorted to their sacred ritual which was inarguably always started off with a Beer...

I had my share of fun when i got a good bargain on two books that i wanted (atleast i think its a good bargain...its my first time bargaining in bombay).. one was Kafka on the shore by Haruki Murakami ( I have taken a liking to the author after reading Norwegian Wood) and Tarun Tejpal's Alchemy of Desire... this I picked coz i liked the title.. to be more honest i bought that coz the scheming cunning vendor wanted me to buy it... he figured out my weakness for books and then offered me a price which i found powerless to turn down... conned i think, i was....

Anyway after Gokul Bar we headed to Bade Miyan... Which was another cheap place to eat.. where you get the best kababs and tikkas and all that sorta stuff in bombay.... after filling our stomachs with a lot of stuff from there we took a walk... and we were led by coincidence to Tendulkar's... now we couldnt just walk past the greatest batsman of all time's restaurant without paying respects can we??... so again fate had us sitting inside... struggling to order a dish or two as it was too heavy on our wallets or rather, for the sake of decency, we were not quite ready for... Now i had fun here too.. coz u see i ordered bombay duck in some weird sauce...and it was good... it was my first bombay duck and it is best till date.... God !! it tasted so good... jus the thought of it makes me want to go hog on some more of it....

Anyway our heavy tributes to the master blaster had wiped us clean of everything and it was not a very difficult choice to arrive at when we decided to break for the day and head home to the northern corner of bombay away from the madding crowd ...

And that for me was another wonderful day in the great city of Bombay...

till something weird or supernatural or even downright mundane happens to me...ciao...

RoasteD BomBaY DucK

Dec 1st.... our first foray into the proper mumbai... The agenda : Sivamani concert!!! and then ambu's item number in the middle of great many bottles of beer and dsp black...something ambu really really was desperate to do...anyway getting back to topic... took a local to sion..tht wud be somewhere after kurla... 20 long minutes...reached and like always ended up waiting for harish and gang... all the time eying the chics..gotta admit it bombay is full of them... all kinds...anyway...Sivamani was great on stage...even better was that hot girl in a short one piece spaghetti strap dress who was sitting in the next row..hey!! when u appreciate you should appreciate all things....anyway..things kinda slowed down when sivamani's birthday was celebrated on stage and all of us were taking peeks at the girl in black...by the way...compeering in our coll was way better...Way better...so there we were at the end of the show...wondering what to do next... considering we have to return to thane...and it was already late to go anywhere...this is about the time when ambady started getting pissed...bcoz he cudnt get his booze...and ambady without his booze is a very temperamental ambu..... anyway... we had to split and somehow or the other..after having seen the closed shutters of a couple of shopping malls...we ended up hungry for food and booze in the outskirts of thane..somewhere near the checkpost..our only company being the lonely barks of the stray dogs in a distance.(did i mention bombay has a problem with stray dogs?? and we thought Sethu was bad..) so there we were one desperate to reach home Hamid, one preoccupied with god knows what kaushik...one guilty vinayan coz he cant finda good place..one given up and jus wanna eat me...and a very silent ambady... ambady and silent is NOT normal-please note. finally we found ourselves in this really local bar.me attacking a triple schezwan rice,ambu on haywards and Mc,vinu boy on his large,hamid..well hamid as always avoidin drinks and quite occupied with his double omlette..

By the time we were out of that low lit damp place..it was close to one... took a rick... ambady still angry with the way things turned..though a lil pacified by the fact tht we did eat...it was a long and disappointing day...that is if you dont COUNT the Babes,sivamani,the girl in black, stray dogs..and blah blah...and thus we come to the end of dec 1st...world AIDS day... hmmm... pity we didnt go to a dance bar!!!.... well thts it ppl... we are doing all we can to keep amrita alive here... OM AMRITESHWARIYE NAMAHA!! Dec 2nd will soon be posted... till then... be good... no watching those shame shame movies and clips... no extra time in the bath...good night....

Funerals

Yesterday's certain experience has led me to debate on the actual reason why people should attend funerals. The reasons as i see are only two. one, you attend it to pay your respects, and two, so that your presence and words can provide some comfort to the kith and kin. But some events have forced me to believe that consolation may not be after all the right reason. It would only be of comfort if you were very close to that family and if your presence could really make a difference. I think in such a situation consolation is difficult to provide because nothing you say would ever be enough. some people say its the intention that matters but i disagree. If it was me i would prefer only people who are really close to me and my family come try to console. I would feel extremely irritated if everyone just crowded me. The others only need to pay their respects. I would prefer being left alone than listen to the same sort of sympathetic sentences from a hundred people. The compassion from their side is understandable but should it be expressed at the cost of a mourning family's irritation? I do agree people's views differ but still, I believe, it is true for most.

The Drop

the rain
Originally uploaded by firequill.

the greatest thing in life is the unpredictability of the next moment that we face... every moment... like a drop about to fall.. to be swallowed up into the earth's abyss....life would have been really boring..in fact down right pathetic if god hadnt had this brainwave... it makes me wonder what our purpose on this planet is.It seems so very pointless..You have to leave someday or the other..forces the thought if there is really an afterlife... i think it would make a lot of sense if there was an afterlife... some place our life is measured... i dont mean it like the pearly gates or the armageddon.. but a place where we see what we've done..what we've accomplished... maybe there is....maybe not... guess i'll just have to wait and see...

The start!!

This is not the first time I am blogging...just one of the first times... somehow all those times when i started blogging i never kept up with it... and it ended up being pointless... maybe.. here, now it could be different...at this point in my life iam starting to see a things a lot differently..its like all this while u've been looking through normal vision and all of a sudden its turned into multiple vision, with a lot of things crowding into my head. i am at a loss as to what to do with my life. there are options, but iam at a loss as to which i should pick. Iam going home this weekend. to take some time of the college. see mom and dad..and of course my bro...see if i can see where i am headed.. god i sound so depressing.. believe me when i say iam not a generally depressed guy... there are some people who are like tht..an aura of desolation swirls around them.. i have taken this new interest towards photography.. it fascinates me.. capturing moments, defying time..creating memories that'll last..i'll post a few here.. check out http://www.flickr.com/photos/firequill/ ... have an account there...nothin great just amateur work. the question is whether i should take the CAT exam?..to be frank i am a lazy guy.. and i know that it'll be my undoing... i need to change.. but how?.. the exam is in 3 months and iam to put in 4 hrs a day... no iam not a nerd... but thts what it takes to get into one of the IIMs... its tougher than getting into harvard..so says an article i read a while ago....