Before you go

'I have always wanted to come in... drove me nuts, knowing you were inside and not seeing you...'

'Why didn't you?' It felt natural for me to ask that question, but it was foolish and she knew that I knew.

I looked at the narrow chest high gate. The black paint had started wilting. It was as if no one had lived there since I left. I pushed the gate open, feeling the cold iron in my hand, almost expecting it to creak. I was being foolish again. It swung open smoothly, almost mockingly. So much for it being abandoned.

I wish it had started drizzling. That would have been nice.

'Well this is it' I said looking at front door. It was locked. A familiar 7 lever Godrej lock was staring at me with no sense of recognition. I remember the key. There was nothing special about it except for a slight bent where my dad's car drove over it ages ago. I suppose it still has it.

'Its locked.' she said her eyes dimming a bit.

They were always full, her eyes, with life, with love.

'I used to imagine coming inside your house for some reason and then seeing you... I wanted to see everything about you...' she trailed off.

I followed her eyes as she looked through the grill into the darkness. I stayed silent.

'I wanted you to invite me in if things worked out' She laughed and said. 'Looks like it was never meant to happen. It would have been nice though, kanna... small wishes, if they were granted.' She looked at me, as if urging me to grant her one.

'I wish I had...' I said. I smiled, an ache deep within. Regrets. For the time that we lost, so carelessly...never realising. Maybe our future could have been different.

I hated these. What ifs.

What if we hadn't met?

What if I had seen it earlier?

What if...

'Ennachu da?' she asked, her eyes cutting across all my defenses.

'Nothing...' I said, to her narrowing eyes.

The sky was overcast now, a shade darker, maybe it would drizzle now.

'Pokalam... There is nothing for us here.' I said turning away from her. The road leading to our old school was empty. It was closure... tracing our steps back here. Stepping back years. The school seemed smaller than I could remember but the memories had tugged at us from every corner. I could still feel the way her hand had tightened around mine when we walked into that empty classroom.

Her eyes were on my back, waiting patiently for me to say something more. I felt angry. There was nowhere for us to go from here. We were fools... trying to stretch our past, trying to barter with time. I felt sad. Angry more than sad. We were going to lose. And she knew it, always, more than me. Even now... she knows. I wanted to hate her. Why did we come here?

I felt her arms slip around my sides, her face coming to rest on my back. She was warm.

'I love you.' She whispered into me.

I didn't say anything. The silence stretched. I felt it then. Drops. Tiny ones, thrown around by the wind, coming to lay rest on us.

It was beginning to rain.

She drew herself more to me, her arms tightening... her fingers finding mine.

I love her. There was never anything to the contrary.

We will walk in the rain, through the paths we always have...

I heard her say, her voice muffled 'Lets... not think about anything else kanna...' I closed my eyes.

We will walk in the rain, everything else forgot.

The Legacy of Rain

n

Dark grey. Overcast. Wind, strong and persuading. I spread my arms. Ochre leaves once green with life whip about in the merciless wind. An end to the dying. Trees dance with the wind in anticipation of its coming. White spindly branches spread out in the sky throwing the earth below into an ethereal glow. Thunder rumbles across the dark sky roaring for a new life. I look up to the skies, to a sea of infinite storms, to the raging waters flickering in vengeful hues. I close my eyes. I feel the cold wind against me, slapping against my bare skin. I feel the earth rise up to answer the sky. The fragrance of wet mud crushed with leaves and wind assault my senses, intoxicating them with nature's essence. A promise to a new beginning. I lose myself. Give myself to the overwhelming elements that surround me. To feel one with nature in this ageless ritual. The first drops of rain. Like ice spears from heavens they strike me, going past my skin and bones to the very soul inside me, infusing life. With rising intensity, the orchestra of nature moves to a deafening crescendo. Single drops become waves. Waves, the earth embraces as it would, with lust, his feisty lover. I stand in the gift of heavens. I feel reborn. Feel like the earth, parched and dry, the rain quenching its undying thirst, washing away all that is dead, giving life to a new age. I feel eternal bliss lost in this raging onslaught of the skies. With as much fierceness as it had begun it stops. Silence. It slams into me with vehement force. The agony of which is softened by the fall of a single drop. I shiver in the stillness like a new born to its first touch. The air, thick with life. I open my eyes to the first rays of sun cleave open the dying armies of the heaven's harbinger. All around me earth celebrates the fulfillment of a timeless promise. Every shade brighter than ever, reflecting a new lease of life. Nature revels in the splendorous glory of its revivification. I bore witness to an act of life. I must now return to the darkness that engulfs my world. To effect my world with life.